Finding joy in the twisted...

So this post may seem a little twisted to some, but for me it's a HUGE deal. Like were talking enormous, mungo, GARGANTUAN even!! So I have spent a large majority of my life without any close friends. People didn't invite me places, I'd spend my Friday nights on the couch, melting my brain with "that dumb x-box" as my mom would always say. I would go out some times and I was fairly well liked at school, I just haven't had anyone that I would introduce as my best friend until this year. Let me tell you it is something different! I have always thought that I am a great friend, that I am such a nice person, and never really understood why people wouldn't to be my friend. Then this startling thought hit my brain like a hiker stuck in a canyon during a flash flood. The thought that follows something like that is simple. "Oh, #$@&(insert your own 4-letter word)." This was my initial thought. Maybe I'm not that good of a friend, and I've just never been close enough to anyone that would care enough to say something? WOAH! Really? Ya, maybe I suck, just no one ever cared enough to tell me because they knew I wasn't going to hangout with them the next night. I mean it made perfect sense, when I thought about it. I have like...zero, zilch, zip, nada, years of being a best friend as a young adult. So obviously I can't start out perfect. I will be the first to say, it is a STEEP learning curve. One day things were hunky dory and I was walking in what seemed like a plane flatter than junior high cheer squad, the next minute it's like I'm climbing Everest, barely hanging on! Figuratively of course. I may not be in school, but I have always thought that the most important learning doesn't take place in a class room, and this is one of those lessons. So this is one class I'm oddly excited for. I'm taking notes, I'm studying hard, I'm just hoping I pass the test, because on this test there are no grades, just pass or fail, and I will be among the former!

Here's the twisted part. The part where I realized I was in a class. The part where I realized I have a lot to learn. I got in trouble last night. A friend of mine yelled at me last night. I didn't make any life-altering decisions. I just did something stupid, inconsiderate, and rude, and for one of the first times in my life I got in trouble about it. I can literally think of one other time where I got in trouble from a so-called friend and I don't even count it, because the kid yelling at me was about as moody and dramatic as my friends mom when she went through menopause. Craziness. But I digress, my friend got upset with me and the more I thought about it the worse I felt. I have spent so much of my life dealing with crappy friends and always wishing I could say something, but knowing that anything I said wouldn't make a difference; thus this situation made me feel like that kid that tells a your mom joke to a kid who's mom died, oh wait I've done that too. HA! Back on point though, I'm surprisingly grateful for this experience, and have found the positive in it. I finally have friends who are willing to let me have it! They care enough about our relationship to be mad about something. Thats such a huge step forward for me that I'm barely even mad at myself for being an idiot! I ditched my friend, and apparently have it done more than once without really noticing I was doing it. Said friend was sick of it, and laid into me last night. I did my best to apologize, but knew there wasn't a lot I could do to relieve the situation at the current state of things. The thing I thought about this morning though, and am taking to the bank though you ask? They were mad I ditched them why? Because on some level, they wanted to spend time with me, had planned on it, and may or may not have been looking forward to it. I thought about that and was just thinking..."YAAAA! Somebody thinks I'm kinda cool." (Or maybe they just didn't have any other plans, I like the idea of the first though). I know that sounds really selfish, but I guess it sort of is. I'm so ecstatic to finally have people who are actually upset with me when I don't do what I say I'm going to. Think about it, if they didn't care why would they say anything? they probably would have just gone along with there other friends to do something else, not caring either way what I did or how I would have felt. But that isn't what happened. This person turned down other people and planned around me.

So my babies, let use summarize what I learned. I have a lot to learn about being a good friend and am so glad to finally have the opportunity to learn these lessons. At the same time, I'm very grateful to even have good friends for the first time since I was in 6th grade. I know I'm going to try hard to learn to be a better friend to those around me, and would urge everyone to do the same. And to anyone who reads take stock in your friends. Think hard, would your best friend be mad at you if you blew them off? If not are they really your best friend. Just something to think about.